NinjaAndKarma

I never thought i'd put something so deep to me on here but, honestly I don't care anymore. So here's the story.

My boyfriend for 8 months breaks up with me for someone else. Here's his side of it all, he's been trying to surpress the "Growing Emotions" for 2 weeks. Sceeeeeer <---Screeching tires* Hold on, hold on, hold on, WHAT!? You dropping ME for some chick you had you eye on for how long?! Yeah, so 2 weeks and he's in love with her. It all happened on a peaceful Sunday, everything was dandy and happy and finally i'd waited all morning to hear his voice and then when I do, it's all depressed. So of course my concern is growing more and more. I kept asking him what was wrong then, he takes a deep breath and say's the dreadful phrase, no one wants to hear. "We need to talk..." At that very moment I knew it was all going to turn to a big pile of crap. I didn't want to hear what he wanted to talk about. I really didn't, but I couldn't bring myself to stop him. So he continued on and told me he had to break up with me because he found someone else.

Now, I know atleast one of ya'll have had one of these break ups. And I bet you remember everything that happened that day, no matter how long ago it was. It's the break up that changes you in some way. So you can imagen how messed up I was. I mean, I really do care about this guy. Note how I said "care" and not cared... Sad but yes, I still have feelings for him but we all know it's never going to work again because i'll never trust him.

So after all my crying I worked up enough nerve to ask him, "What is so special about her that you have you break me...?" And do you know what he tells me?

"She makes me feel..Alive..Whenever I feel afraid to do anything, or feel afraid to let myself out in the world, she will help push me out into the world, and live,but not just that,she'll live with me,she won't send me out into the world alone, but she'll be right by my side"

WHAT A LOAD OF BULLCRAP! She makes him feel "alive". Yeah, he said, She makes him feel ALIVE! Well my bad for making you feel dead! So of course i'm broken all over again and I just walk away from it all. I tried not to cry at school or break down too much on my own and I managed. Like, I was being crazy happy, like drunk off happiness. Until Wensday.

I'm hanging with a fellow ninja buddy and he calls me...Congradulating my making it out of Ninja Academy alive. I thank him and my ninja buddy is bitter toward him so she's saying stuff wanting him to hear and finally we hung up and she went on a rant about how she never liked him. And me being the nice, sympathitic person I am, I actually noticed there was sadness in his voice.

So later that night I called him back, like I said I would. I mean you gotta hand it to me, I'm making an effort to make nice even after what he put me through. While on the phone with him he kept telling me he was sorry.

Sorry? Didn't you do that enough the day it mattered? Sorry buddy, I don't care anymore. But he went on with his apologies. Finally, I we hung up and I called the same ninja buddy trying to see if she could help me put the peices together. It automaticlly clicked to her, "He feels dumb, obviously something happened between him and that other girl". No way, it's only been like, 2 days! So even though it made sense I didn't want to believe it.

Thursday, I talked to him again. And i bugged the crap out of him until he finally spills his guts and tells me what was with the apologies. And my ninja buddy was right. THIS CHICK BROKE UP WITH HIM BECAUSE HE WAS MORE LIKE A BROTHER THAN A BOYFRIEND! Now I shouldn't laugh, but somewhere inside me couldn't stop tickling my fancy and I laughed until I cried. Not like happy tear crying but like, tears of sadness. Why? Because, he broke up with me because he thought we was so in love. And look what happened. If he wasn't so ignorant, he would have known I had stronger feelings for him and he didn't. But then, there was something else.

He wasn't truly sorry until he got hurt. Which hurts to say. You know what, I really don't care anymore, like i'm not just saying that. I think writing this helped me "release" any, what's the word, hidden feelings. And with that, this Ninja is out to do her daily's and not dwell on the past. And if you just so happen to be reading this, and are in the same position my only adive to you is, don't hold it in and dont dwell on it. And most impotantly, don't wait for someone to come pick up the pieces for you, pick them up yourself because if you wait, you'll become more dependent on that person than you were the last. So come on, get down pick them up, put it back together, and go on with your life. Because, if you do that, like the All-American Rejects would say, "WHEN YOU SEE MY FACE HOPE IT GIVES YOU HELL, HOPE IT GIVES YOU HELL!" Hehe.

TheNinjaHasSpoken